Love Bug
by Aki Rei
Summary: Jiraiya was stupefied when he found out that Icha Icha Paradise wasn't selling anymore. Will he find out the reason why and then solve this impending doom? One thing is for certain, he will need guinea pigs...
1. Prologue

Disclaimers: Naruto isn't mine, as much as I'd like it to be…

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Love Bug

Prologue

Jiraiya-sama, one of the legendary sannin, the great toad hermit and the self titled super pervert, was stupefied for the first time in his life. Never did it occur to him that there could be something that would surprise him. He was, after all the master of being unpredictable.

When he first heard about it, he thought it was just a rumor. I mean, who would believe that Icha Icha Paradise wasn't selling anymore! That his pride and joy was out and down of the best seller's list! It just couldn't be true.

So as to lay his uncertainty to rest, he went out to check the bookstore near Naruto's home. He had happily greeted the owner with his usual jaunty wave and careless smile. When the owner failed to give him his customary greeting - 'Good sales as always' – he knew then that something was terribly wrong.

With great trepidation, he went to the adult's section as slowly as possible. When he was near enough, he closed his eyes and sent a brief prayer to the 'great deity of perverts'. Jiraiya-sama took a deep breath before he opened his eyes, and when he found what he was looking for, promptly dropped down on his knees, with his jaws hanging wide open.

There on the shelf were numerous orange covered books, with the no-entry sign in the back… His books, his beloved novels, were still sitting on the shelves after 2 weeks of release. For the first time in forty odd years, Jiraiya-sama felt like crying. He could honestly say that this event rivaled the despair he felt when he first met Orochimaru. He must've look ultra pathetic because next thing he knew, the owner had his hand on his shoulder and was looking at him with sympathetic eyes.

"Two men bought your book at least." He said in a soft, measuring voice. Instead of getting uplifted by this comment, Jiraiya-sama despaired more. He knew who those two were, and although he was happy that Kakashi and Ebisu were still loyal to him, he couldn't really view them as buyers. It's like family buying your book just to appease you or something. Jiraiya-sama shook his wild hair as he sighed. The owner still taking pity on the toad hermit ploughed on.

"Well, there are other bookstores in Konoha. Maybe your book is doing well on theirs?" The owner said in a slightly positive tone. The toad hermit regarded the owner for a moment before laughing his ass off.

"Of course! Why didn't I think of that!" Jiraiya-sama asked himself as he gathered himself from the floor and stood up straight.

"My books are probably sold out elsewhere… It's just because your store is so lousy that the customers won't get in!" The super pervert said loudly while pumping his arms up. The store owner suddenly went purple in the face at the proclamation.

"Well, old man, I'll be going now! Hahaha…!" As Jiraiya-sama's back went out of view, the store owner scowled and thought that being a good citizen isn't as lovely an image as its cut out to be.

An hour and twenty minutes later, found Jiraiya-sama at the top of the highest rooftop in Konoha looking ready to die. He had just swept each and every bookstore in Konoha, and found out that his book hadn't been sold even once in each of them. Suddenly, Jiraiya-sama found no meaning in his life. True, there was still peeping in the women's bath… But writing about what he saw and stretching it a bit further gives him the thrills that fighting cannot give.

Jiraiya-sama was deeply pondering about the pros and cons of him dying by falling off the roof when a happy and rowdy bunch of lads walked down the street. Curious, he glanced down and saw the next generation of strong Konoha Shinobi walk by. His eyes zeroed in on his current favorite student, Naruto.

He knew that the boy hasn't had the pleasure of reading his books. He was still young to get his hands on a copy. Jiraiya-sama despaired. It was his greatest dream to be able to share with his student, Naruto, the great joy of perversion. And a close second to that dream was that his student spread this great pleasure among his friends. From what was going around town now, it seems that it wouldn't happen in the future – because Icha Icha Paradise was at its end. He knew this because those super nerdy books about science and whatever was selling more than his books

He was getting downright depressed with it and the thought of no successors to his 'Super Pervert' title wasn't helping any. As Jiraiya-sama looked at Naruto's happily smiling face while talking to that stoic Uchiha lad, he knew that the future of perversion was over.

Naruto was the very image of naivety and innocence. That lazy chuunin would be too lazy to even think about being a pervert. Gai's clone would be too gentlemanly to peep. The chubby lad would be too busy eating to spare some time. The Aburame kid couldn't care less about it. The Inuzuka kid might be a possibility, but no, I don't think so. And then there's the Uchiha and the Hyuuga brat. Need I say, stick up their asses!

So Jiraiya-sama knew that the future lies in his hands. He had to do something or a future of dullness will be at the horizon. Not to mention that he hadn't given up on writing the Icha Icha Paradise, he still had the hope that it would be popular once more. Gears started to work over time in Jiraiya-sama's brain.

He glanced down once again to the rowdy bunch, consisting of the rookie nine and Gai's team, and his resolve strengthened. He will save the future from boredom and dullness… And inadvertently resume writing Icha Icha Paradise too... With his iron will and uncanny sense of solving problems, he will do it. Jiraiya-sama stood up, dusted himself off and looked at the horizon.

"It's high time for the council to commence. The 'other' legendary three will meet once again." And with that, Jiraiya-sama set out to find his two comrades.

t.b.c

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A/N: This is my first attempt at writing a Naruto fic so if I got something wrong, please be gentle with me…:-)

Anyway, what do you think? Should I continue?


	2. Plan Hatched!

Chapter 1 – Plan Hatched!

Jiraiya-sama was beyond depressed. First, he finds out that his novel wasn't selling anymore. Second, he feels like he let Naruto and the youth of Konoha down. Third, he can't find his comrades who were supposed to help him build a better future! How was he supposed to build that ideal future when those two weren't around!

Jiraiya-sama knew he was brilliant, creative and all… But he needed those two for a rather intense brainstorming! Sure, sure he was superior to those two and he could probably do this on his own, but he wanted it to be perfect. And besides, that old man Sarutobi had said something about the greater power lying in numbers. And with two added perverted minds… Well, let's just safely assume that the ideal future is at hand.

The toad hermit sighed as he sat on the Fourth's head. He felt dead tired – in body and in mind. He might not admit it aloud, but old age really is underrated. Hoping on roofs all day, running across the fields, wading on rivers, climbing atop mountains – it had really taken its toll on his body. But nonetheless, he persevered. As long as there were pointed fingers on the 'supposed' location of hic comrades, he persevered.

But as all things begin, they all must end at some point or another. Jiraiya-sama's patience had its limit and it was just bad that he finally reached it at the end of the day.

He may be oblivious at times but Jiraiya-sama knew when he was being evaded. He had known all the signs – because he had practice reading this 'signs' when he was still teamed up with Orochimaru and Tsunade. Jiraiya-sama sighed yet again. Kakashi and Ebisu were not loyal fans and comrades after all. If they were, they wouldn't be hiding from him, would they?

Kakashi, he'd been looking since that morning. He had gone to all the places he knew the copy nin hung out – at the bridge were he met his team, the training grounds, the hokage tower and at the memorial. He wasn't in any of those. Or rather, he missed him by just a few minutes or mere seconds. All he saw of Kakashi was a poof of smoke. So he got the message and just stopped following him.

Ebisu was harder to find. All Jiraiya-sama could think of places to look at was at the Hokage tower or anywhere near Konohamaru. After trailing that brat for about 3 hours or so, he got tired, so he just gave up. So now, here he was at the Fourth's head pondering about what to do and looking really gloomy. He had already decided to just stop this foolish dream of correcting the youth's boring ways… Konoha won't need him now.

Jiraiya-sama sighed yet again. Oh well, he was a hermit after all. He didn't really need a place to call home. His home was anywhere he was. The toad hermit realized that it was time to travel once again. But before he goes… He had to say goodbye to the ladies of Konoha - those in the bath house of course.

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One of the greatest pleasures of being a man was peeping on bathhouses. Jiraiya-sama knew this at such an early age, so it was of no wonder that he was an expert at peeping and got rarely caught by the girls. One of the few times he was caught was caused by certain loud students of his. But no worries, he didn't have Naruto with him. Only him, his eyes and the girls.

Jiraiya-sama was already drooling at the thought of seeing naked bodies when he felt a hand clamp on his shoulder.

"What took you so long? We were waiting for what seems like the whole day in here." Ebisu asked him in a stern manner. He blinked. They what?

"It's a good thing we weren't caught or else we'd have a harder time looking for you." Kakashi said in his bored but cool voice as he leaned on the wall of the bathhouse. Kakashi's eyes were curved and Jiraiya-sama assumed that he was laughing or smiling.

"You were looking for me? But I was looking for you!" Jiraiya-sama cried out when he finally found his voice. Kakashi and Ebisu scratched their heads.

"Uhm, see, we didn't want to come to the meeting empty handed so we did some sort of investigation first." Ebisu said haltingly while Kakashi continued to smile or whatever. Jiraiya-sama could never tell with that mask of his.

The super pervert had to hold in his tears. He had doubted his sweet comrades! Such bad payment for their loyalty… But no matter, it would be corrected. If – no, _when_ the next volume of Icha Icha Paradise is released, it will be dedicated to these wonderful perverted men.

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They held their meeting at a very noisy restaurant because Jiraiya-sama thought it would be best. They would be inconspicuous – just three men drinking their salaries' worth. No one would hold an inkling of an interest to eavesdrop or interfere or whatever. They were safe here, he knew. Jiraiya-sama tipped his cup of sake to his lips.

"So, what did you find out?" The super pervert asked.

"Well, it seems that they lost interest in your book…" Ebisu said knowingly while replacing his sun glasses on his face. Jiraiya-sama was sorely tempted to ask him why he needed to wear them at such a dark place. He held his tongue though.

"I know that already! Tell me something I do not know." Jiraiya-sama huffed a little irritated at the answer. Ebisu laughed - in a near hysterical way. Jiraiya-sama feared that he was already drunk.

"Well, it turned out that your usual crowd had died of old age, lost eye sight because… of old age… Or moved town." The bespectacled man said after that creepy laugh. He looked at Jiraiya-sama very seriously.

"You mean, I only attract the old crowd!" Jiraiya-sama spat out the sake he'd been drinking. He could not believe that only the 'mature' men have interest in his books. _What kind of people are living in Konoha nowadays_! _Boring ones_! Jiraiya-sama was seething to himself as Kakashi wiped his face of spit and sake before answering.

"Yes. In our generation, only Ebisu and I enjoy your books."

"What! You mean the other jounins and chuunins don't like my book! Impossible!" Disbelief was written all over the super pervert's face.

"It's true though. I tried influencing the others by saying that it's such a nice and very knowledgeable book." Kakashi said slowly as if he himself couldn't fathom the idea of not liking Icha Icha Paradise.

"So? How did it went?"

"Well, Asuma said he'd read it but he never got around to. Genma said that he doesn't have much time to waste. Kurenai slapped me when I told her about it. Iruka pretty much had the same reaction. Hayate said his girlfriend would skin him alive if she finds out and Gai… Well, it's tough talking with him. I approach him and suddenly it's a one sided conversation." The copy nin shook his head as if shaking off an awful mental image. Jiraiya-sama looked at Ebisu, who was looking rather thoughtful all of a sudden.

"How about the younger generation?" Ebisu asked as he downed his nth cup of sake.

"The genins? They're still young to read the books." Jiraiya-sama answered quickly. But who knows? Maybe they would be interested when they get older…

"I know. But…" Ebisu looked at the super pervert and the copy nin imploringly.

"But what?"

"At this rate, we'll never be able to influence the older ones…"

"That's true… But where do the genins fit in?" Jiraiya-sama asked with his brows knitted together in concentration. Somehow, he knew what Ebisu was getting at. Kakashi nods to himself. He and Ebisu had discussed this earlier.

"Well, they are the next generation of Konoha citizens right? All we have to do is to shape them up into Icha Icha Paradise-loving individuals as early as possible..." Ebisu trailed off. He nodded to Kakashi who nodded right back.

"So that when they reach the right age, Icha Icha Paradise will be reborn with a smash!" The copy nin finished with a flourish. Jiraiya-sama thought long and hard at this idea. The genins were sixteen, only two years until they reach the legal age. It's really not that long a wait. And besides, this was a great idea.

"I like it." Jiraiya-sama said at last. Kakashi and Ebisu who were holding their breaths for the super pervert's answer, sagged in relief. Jiraiya-sama looked at them sternly.

"What are you doing there sagging in relief! We still have our work cut out for us! We have to start right away!" The toad hermit declared as he pushed his drinks away and stood up excitedly. He was grinning from ear to ear when he turned his back on the scrambling men. He can't wait to get started!

The next morning at the respective houses of the genins…

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!"

t.b.c

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A/N: Hey, I know that it seems like the story isn't getting anywhere, but I promise on the next chap, I'll get the ball rolling! Hehe… that is if you still want me to continue? Tell me what you think… All comments and suggestions are welcome! 


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